My Journals

Today I guess, my day isn't going very good. It all started last night when Brittany, Kenny, and I went to Buck's house. Kenny was like hitting on me..scary. Then we started to *get close* to each other..we were cuddling and whatnot. Kenny kept on asking me if I liked him and all I said was *Maybe* I didn't want to say *yes* and I didn't really want to say *no* either. So then I asked him if he liked me and he said *Maybe* but he was being smart about it..just because I said maybe!! But then he said something to me that really made me mad. He was like *If you like me, then I like you. If you hate me then I hate you* I can not believe that he had the nerve to say that, I wanted to drop kick the stupid kid!! After we got done with that long convo about liking each other, he asked me out...again. I told him *yes*!! I can't believe I said that and I can't believe he had the balls to ask me out. It just doesn't seem like him to do a thing like that...usually he would have to ask one of his friends to ask me out. You know how that works...ahhh but I dunno why I said yes. But I really regret it now. Today at school Kenny said maybe five bloody words to me! That's all!! It made me so mad, he hardly payed attention to me and were *SUPPOSE* to be going out. But I think I'm gonna have to dump him...I don't want a boyfriend that ignores me. That's just gay and fucking stupid!

**But I am done with guys for a *LONG* time now. I'm not dating till high school or college. It all depends on who the guys is. Now I know better not to go out with one of my best *guy* friends. Especially Kenny, he's not *boy friend material* Right now, I'm so mad at him and every guy on this fucking earth I hope they all die! Well, a guess a few guys are alright..but the rest can all go to Hell for all I care! Hey Brittany and Ali?! *We promised not to date till late high school or college* but that might change for me...who knows. Later Dayz!!

Today, I guess is going okay. But I hoped it would have been better. Hollie wasn't in school today! :( I was sooo lonely! ahhh Hope you get better, Holl! Well anyway, I'm surprised none of my friends came up to me and bragged that they either made JV or Varsity. Danielle made varsity and Alicia and Talia made jv. That's pretty kewl..I'm happy for them. But Talia was telling me that they only have six people on the JV squad so she told Robin that I might be interested. I really want to be on the squad with all of my friends but could you honestly see me as a cheerleader?! ahh..that's scary! lol So Talia told me that I would just try out just like anyone else and then Robin will let me know if I made it or not. The only reason why I don't want to try out is because I'm afraid of rejection. I don't want to be a major reject...well, I already am so I don't need to be a even more major reject. I just don't know what to do. Almost all of my friends are in cheerleading, well my good friends. I feel like if I don't become a cheerleader I am going to lose all of them in high school. Sometimes when I hang out with Alicia, Danielle, and Talia that's all they talk about is cheerleading. It makes me feel like an outkast because I don't fit in anywhere when I'm with them..because I'm NOT a cheerleader. FUCK FUCK FUCK!! I don't know what the FUCK to do!!! I really wanted to be in tennis, track, and volleyball but cheerleading is going to take up all my time and I won't beable to play any other sports. And that really sucks big....you know. Anywho..so I might try out for the fuck of it. I don't care if people think I am a reject or whatever. They can think what they want about me.

Besides all that, Ali told me that Hollie told her that me and Kenny were going out. I told Hollie NOT to tell anyone because it would get around and then people would be like *Omg, I can't believe your going out with him* ...to me. Or vise virsa for Kenny. Right now I'm peeved at Hollie because she can NEVER, EVER keep a secret. She told me secrets about Steve T, Beth, Laura, Hannah..and all them...Some friend she is...I need new friends!!! God damnit!! Becky K is like the only fucking person in this fucking world that can keep a fucking secret!!! ahhh I don't know who to trust anymore! I hate everyone!!...except for like 10 people in our school and my family. Everyone else can die for all I care.

Today we went to the high school to check out what it's going to be like next year when were freshman. I'm really excited for high school!! I can't wait till tennis and volleyball!! ahhh I promised myself I'm gonna work super hard and I'm gonna get straight A's. Well, it won't be anything new, because I pretty much already do. I am just so glad that I'm finally gonna be in high school and I'll only have 3 more years of school left till I'm off to college!! yay!! But I'm scared to graduate from high school because after that I'm pretty much a *grown up* and I'm on my own. But with my luck, I probably won't get excepted into a good college or I'll die before I even get to college. But anyway...

Last night I was talking to somebody under Brittany's screen name. Well, I thought it was Brittany but it wasn't. It was Amber N. and Adam O. They asked for my phone number..and the stupid person that I am, I gave it to them. I thought that it was Brittany but she lost my phone number or something. But I dunno..they were doing it to all of Brittany's friend to try to get them all mad at her. So, for some reason that pissed me off and I went into a huge depression. Kristen called me and I asked her if she had any weed. Cuz I serious wanted to get high last night...and I still do. Maybe she'll hook me up wit some lata!!

Last night I had an awesome time over Hollie's house!! We went over Shelli's house...it was fun! We were like goofing around the whole time and playing with the Oiugi board *however you spell that word!* I dunno if I really believe in it..I think Shelli was purposly moving the thing to make us believe that it was real. But I dunno..maybe she wasn't??!! Why I think she was just playing around with our heads..were because I was asking questions like *what's my name* and things that she would know. But then when I asked *how old was I when my dad left me* the board or *Shelli* said 2..and I know that Shellli doesn't know when my dad left me and my mom. Like all the questions that she didn't know about me I guess she tried to guess about them..but who knows!? I think it was still fun!!

I really feel like shit right now. Besides that I'm super bored. Mostly because I had to stay home from school today because I ralphed all over myself! Gross, huh?? But last night I'm really happy I got to talk to my cousin Tiffany. She lives in Flordia so I NeVeR get to see her! The last time I saw here was two Christmas' ago! I miss her so much! I hope I'll beable to see her this summer..if she decides to come up. I would go down to Flordia to see her but my uncle, *Tiffany's dad* won't allow it. I don't even know if my mom wants me to go down there. But anyway, I wouldn't have the time to go down there because I have softball till July, I'm gonna be going on trips with Hollie!, and tennis starts for 9th grade. So, I think I'm gonna be pretty busy! But atleast I still get to talk to Tiffany every once and awhile.

Why are all men so stupid?! ahh I don't get one of them...not ONE!!! Why is it that most...or all of them play with your mind to make you think that they like you, but they really don't?? Maybe it's just me...or I'm getting the wrong signals that this certain *guy* is sending me! If your one of my best friends ya'll know who I'm talking about. God damn, he makes me so mad sometimes it's know where near the word funny!! Infront of me he's always telling me he likes on of my best friends..but he actually has the balls to flat out say who it is. He knows I still sorta have feelings for him..but idk it's just...ahh so hard and confusing to understand! Sometimes it's sooo hard to be around him because I love him so much that it kills me to know I can't have him because he doesn't feel the same about me. It makes me cry sometimes. Almost every night I cry myself to sleep thinking about him or thinking to myself *Why am I so in love with him?* *What can I do to get him where he should belong...with me??* ahh it just drives me up the wall thinking about him. Some of my friends say that he's sooo annoying and I shouldn't even waste my time on him. Sometimes I do think that and I don't know what I'm still doing lovin him. A couple of times I went into depression because I was so pissed off because I wanted him but he didn't want to go out because it would ruin our friendship. Why are all guys like that?? It's not like they actually care!! fuck! fuck! fuck! But theres another problem...I like this other guys. Ah fuck it, I'm not even gonna waste my time talking about him because it's stupid and nobody would understand. Well two of my friends do...soo idk. Where's Brittany when I need to talk to her?! God damn..well I guess I'm gonna go and call her now cuz she always helps me out with my problems..or I'll go pig out on Cheese Ritz and get more fat than I already am!!! hmm well Danielle's here..maybe she can help me, I doubt it thou. Later

Today was an awesome day...well I suppose so. Today we had our first softball game at the Ishpeming feilds. We had to play the stinkin Bertucci's. No offense toward them but they sorta cheat and the pitcher sucks!! We could've beatin them but we had to call it game because there was another team that had to play in the field that we were playing at!! poo I was pretty mad! The score was 11 to 13...i think. I'm pretty sure we had 11. But we only needed a few more points to dominate them!! lol We could have done it. I just am really sad that I have to play for VFW because last year I played for Penninsula *Pornographics...it's an inside jk on our old team last year* lol Photographics, and mom Tina and dad Brian were the coaches. It's just not the same without them!! :o( But I guess the coach we have now, Glen is a pretty kewl guy. He'll never be as good as mom and dad thou.

I can't wait for this weekend!! For one, we get out of school in three days!! and I get to go camping with Ali and a bunch of other people in Michigamme Shores (??) ...atleast I think were campin out there. But the shitty thing is...Ashley *SuckCock* Sicotte has to come with us. I hope she gets eatin by a pack of hungry bears!! That bitch needs to die...die...die!!! grrrr Maybe I should wack her in the head with a baseball bat since she's on my team!..or I could shove it so far down her throat she'd choke and die!! or I could.....umm nevermind I think I'll shut up now. Don't wanna give my clever ideas out to everyone!! haha just kiddin :o)

It's finally summer vacation!! ahh I thought this would never come! I still am not sure what I want to do this summer besides play softball. So far, I'm suppose to be going downstate with Hollie but I don't know if I am because were suppose to be going in August and that's when tennis starts and I'm not going to miss that for anything!! ahh Oh gees, and my cousin Miriam wants me to go to Yoga with her!! lol Yea, right...me do yoga! are you kidding me?! haha..but I'm gonna do it! I think it will actually be kind of fun. Anyway, I have nothing else to say about my boring life. So I'm gonna go. Later!